ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
