Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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