Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
