Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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