My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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