I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
