My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
