you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
