was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
