after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
