my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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