The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
