Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
