His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize