I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize