I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need a beard to bite.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
