So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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