you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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