NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
