everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
