First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize