Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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