What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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