dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
