well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize