He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're like the curious george of whores
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
