I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
