I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize