They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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