Umm I'm too high to move.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
