Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
