I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
