So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
