Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize