There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
