How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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