Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
