You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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