I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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