i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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