i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
