Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
