We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
