i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
