I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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