2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
