who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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