Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
