i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
