people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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