i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
