nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
