is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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