Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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