You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
