How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
