when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
