I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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