I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
