We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
