Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
