Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
