Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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