dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
