i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
