a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
