He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize