I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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