I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize