I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
