It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
