I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
