Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
