while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
