the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
