Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize