yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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