So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
