I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
