stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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