I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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