I seem to have left my pride at pride
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize