and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
