I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
