She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
