And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
