mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
