it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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