Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
someone threw a dead crab at me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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