I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
