if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
