if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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