Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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