Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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