I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
