I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize