i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
